I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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