We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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