When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
he shaved USA in his pubs
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
