i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
