we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
