I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
