Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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