he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
