WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
