I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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