Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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