you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
