Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
jump out the window naked night went bad
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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