woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
