just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
