I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Randomize
