You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
