fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
