a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
