recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
