Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
