Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Randomize
