omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I came so hard my ears popped.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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