Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE