Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
no you cant smoke seaweed
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
