I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.