I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Who the fuck stole my fridge again