maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
