Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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