paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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