can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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