Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
