Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
