Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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