Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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