i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Someone came in the potted fern
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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