roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
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They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
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Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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