I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
