you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
