he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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