she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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