this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
