I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
