Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
