So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
