I'm really into asian looking animals
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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