Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
