Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
