I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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