I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
