i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
