dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
