either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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