Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
