you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
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the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize