If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
