Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
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she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
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DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Pooping to opera.
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