his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
