obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
