Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
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In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
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Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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