...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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