hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize