ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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