I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
