i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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