Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Randomize
