I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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