dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
