you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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