he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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