i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
