...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
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I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
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Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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