we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
