Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
