You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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