i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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