Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
can u get pink eye on your cock?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
