I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
