I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
