I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
